Good Changes

The phrase "When one door closes another one opens" sums up my life with RSD. It has made me make some positive changes in my life. It has taught me some great lessons and given me some wonderful surprises. It hasn't all been bad.

The first lesson I had to learn was a hard one for me. I had to learn to slow down. I couldn't keep up the pace I did before I was hurt. If I did my body paid the price. I was now around for my kids instead of being at work or housework or any of the many things we think we need to do everyday. I may not have been able to physically do things with them but I could be there if they needed to talk or to just quietly hang out. Some of my favorite memories with my kids has occurred after I got RSD. The things I used to worry about and thought were important are now in perspective. I have come to understand that it doesn't matter if I don't have the house perfect of if I look just right. What is important is the time with my family. Especially the time with my family when my pain levels are low enough to be able to enjoy it. Health is important not keeping up with the person next door.

RSD gave me the perspective to see that the marriage I was in was not working for either of us and that nothing we could do would change that. That decision eventually led me to the happiest time in my life (although I didn't know it at the time). If I hadn't gotten divorced I wouldn't have met my husband Joe. Joe has made my life seem almost normal. He accepted me the way that I am now not what I had been. He is my rock on the bad days and my partner in crime on the good ones. A few months before our wedding date we got the shock of our lives and the light of our lives too. We found out we were having a baby. I was shocked and scared. I had been on so much medication when I found out I was pregnant I was afraid I had already damaged this innocent baby. We were sent to see a fetal specialist and I was watched closely. He reassured us that none of the medication I was on would hurt the baby. I don't know if I believed him or not then. When I was pregnant with my other 2 kids the dr's had me afraid to take even Tylenol and here I was on 390 mg of long acting morphine a day plus another 90 mg of instant morphine a day along with another 5 or 6 meds. On the orders of my pain Dr and the OB Dr (not to mention my own fears) I stopped taking all my meds as soon as I found out I was pregnant but that put me into withdrawals. I ended up in the ER 2 times because things got so bad. After I was off all my meds the fetal Dr told us that I could have killed the baby by stopping them and going through withdrawals. The baby was safer with me on my meds. I wish the dr's would get together before giving advice or orders and come to 1 decision. The pregnancy was rough because I was unable to do almost anything because of the pain. With no meds to help take some of the pain away it seemed to wash over me and engulf me much of the time. In January 2001 our very healthy daughter was born. She was perfect and I could breathe again and not worry. If not for the RSD none of that would have happened.

I can't say RSD has made my life better. It has caused some great things to happen to me. It has made my life harder in so many ways but it hasn't all been bad. If I was given the opportunity to look at my life now and see what I have and then decide to either go back and not ever have this disease but never have the good things that has come to me because of it. I would not hesitate for a second. I want the here and now. I want the husband, my 3 great kids that I spend a lot of time with. I want all the lessons I have learned. I want my life.